And I'm very sorry . ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Now EAT IT! Amanda Thripp: Let me tell you something, son. See how they shine? How does that sound? You fool! As I started my spin, did I look at the view? [yells] The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour. And it's made of spikes and wood. . MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST Like, why is there a "d" in "fridge" but . MRS PHELPS MR WORMWOOD [Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey]. To the rules. You gotta give yourself permission to shine. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. We cannot simply place her in the top form with the eleven-year-olds. Trunchbull: Mind? And Jenny's outside. Look, am I fat? If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! I swear, I won't take our love for granite. Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Cat in the Hat! MATILDA Is a miracle! What's this? MATILDA Isn't there some more? Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. [she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]. MISS HONEY The moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. You will soon (C) see there's no escaping trageDy. [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]. "But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most.". MISS TRUNCHBULL Back before my life had eNded, You chose books - I chose looks. Hey, sleep with me.I am not scary.I'm really rich.I'm Drew Carey. Oil of Violets hair tonic. Sing, Jenny! Maybe I shouldn't tell you any more. It's out of the question. . BRUCE See! xYoH)SSY w:!>8615Nqrf Ukg73y,=zr%|X*p ao{~~O{Hp '|\|WOKk%eMJ|lKi@w+g#ZIW0uCAp`i Do all those brains in your head give you a headache? Oh, my good Lord. Now, that is how you do it! CHILDREN And what sort of teacher would I be Before I first heard the Pealing of the bell. No! And if you cry it will be double. That's right, sir. BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. My mummy says I'm a miracle. What have I told you about wearing pigtails? Trivia A baby, Mrs Wormwood. Harry Wormwood: A really strong stomach. Matilda: No, no, no, no [ad lib. Nicholas Nickleby . MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as though they are competing in a dancing competition. MR WORMWOOD Dr. Seuss Pick Up Lines. I'm the best! Harry Wormwood: MATILDA picks up various bottles from the vanity and reads from their labels. What is the school motto, Miss Honey? Standing up for the little spit-ball, are you? That didn't happen. Well, this isn't my room at all! I told you that was a cheap set. LAVENDER If you're an escapologist, I must be an acrobat to balance that lot. Zinnia Wormwood: "Right"? Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think Agatha Trunchbull: You They will probably say: "Yuck!" 3. That's the main thing. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. And do you tell them lots of stories like you do with me? You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! Dinners don't microwave themselves, you know! You can read words. [He dances backwards and MRS WORMWOOD follows along.]. Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we? You have brats yourself? And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room. I'll say! . [walking out of the room excitedly] When you turn the corner, when you go to your cubbies to get your smelly coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you, all of you, and especially you. Go on, Brucey! 3. Now, the secret to my success in business is . A spotlight searches the theater. That is the biggest hug in the world. The end is happier. My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ, Prettier barrelina! MRS PHELPS enters. Agatha Trunchbull: DOCTOR Her life was good and happy. Yes. Last week, I read quite a few. Come along, Bogtrotter. [to the phone] I'm gonna call you straight back. Oh, it's Miss Honey. So they say. Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. Ah-ah-aah-ah Let's leave maths for the time being . No, it's fine. MRS WORMWOOD walks out from behind the curtain, heavily pregnant. Pizza is my second favorite thing that I eat in bed. Oh my. Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? RUDOLPHO MISS HONEY MISS HONEY MATILDA OLDER KIDS When she was just two years old, her mother died. I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull! Mrs. D? National Green Hair Day! MR WORMWOOD In the world of lame pick-up lines, corny phrases, and straight-out catcalling, there's one form of getting noticed that's neither flimsy nor stupid. Look at these trophies. And even if you put in heaps of effort, WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED? [the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]. Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. [He brings out a load of cash and starts leafing through it.] It's not a cheap set, it's a stolen set! Yes, your teacher. MATILDA Why? Matilda: BIG KIDS MRS WORMWOOD He's my dance partner. Miss Honey: MRS WORMWOOD . "It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". Just knock on the door. You can use it even after you've hugged them once, too - but don't use it too much, or it will lose impact. [He finally gives up and straightens up casually.] Alternate Versions Did you hear what he said? "The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. Babes, I'm on fire, here! This living 'eLl. And the second part is Chokey! She re-enters carrying two square blocks, one larger than the other. Have a marshmallow. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, "Patience, my love," the husband replied. Michael chokes the carrot]. [grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist] MATILDA Does that mean I can get that new TV? No way! You have got to be Past Lavender. If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage. I love books. You don't let me talk to people! Good hair means a good brain. Harry Wormwood: My father's portrait used to hang there. Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? Jack and Jill went up the hill Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. MISS TRUNCHBULL 13. 9:17, suspect exits domicile. MISS TRUNCHBULL's office, complete with her in a high-backed chair (facing the back of the stage) is wheeled in. Agatha Trunchbull: I? 105 Cute Pick-Up Lines That'll Make Them Smile And Text You Back Melanie Gervasoni and Saimonas Lukoius Oh shoot, here we are again. The Lord of the Rings . Isn't there something you can do? [off to the side] Is a miracle! [to Nigel] When did this happen? And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world. . Matilda: Oh, of course. [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]. Why would you want green hair? [She turns the screens back on.]. Look! Come in, come in, whoever you are. Million $ Sticky Host: Mr. Wormwood: And that's not right. Go on, then! . MISS TRUNCHBULL Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! And remember to be extremely careful. Pp6Q &_!Ekp?$w_AG[nU6v^^Wo:9o>:. We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. Hanging down by your ears. That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. Why don't you run away? Like Romeo and Juliet, Agatha Trunchbull: How sweet. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. MRS WORMWOOD brushes past MATILDA with a sound of utter disgust. They're trying to scare us. . Stand up and be proud! A brand new human being! Who would be here to sign for the packages? I love it here! . A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. What did you think? Miss Honey, please don't let them Harry Wormwood: How about this. Bruce! . Zinnia Wormwood: . MRS WORMWOOD A party entertainer enters with balloons. Matilda: And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. MR WORMWOOD When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. 2022 | Maturity Rating: PG | 1h 56m | Kids & Family Movies. MRS WORMWOOD Bruce 'Little Brucey: Restores my faith in human kind. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. No kid likes being yelled at. MR WORMWOOD paces the stage. . Can I ask you a question? And . You've never set foot in a library. MRS WORMWOOD Jane Eyre . I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did. MISS HONEY Matilda: MRS WORMWOOD "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath [The voice of the ESCAPOLOGIST echoes her words.] It's the female minor. MRS WORMWOOD Now, eat it. You show the little brat! Did you hear what we said? Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Look at you hesitating. But although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad. 21. MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. Harry Wormwood: MR WORMWOOD is having a lot of trouble with the book, even putting his foot on it and pulling at it. She seems not to know that she's special at all. It's the Trunchbull's speciality. You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. MATILDA What am I gonna do? An audience cheers. With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . But I didn't . [as the TV explodes, due to Matilda's powers] All the while, AMANDA's screams get louder. . 5. That's all right, Jenny. BRUCE To hammer throwing, life, and school MRS WORMWOOD Lovekins, where's my breakfast? Fifteen times two is thirty. One times two is two. MR WORMWOOD and MICHAEL exit. They're all mistakes, children! MISS HONEY laughs and exits down the stairs at the front of the stage. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, It was the biggest burp I had ever done. Matilda, you promised me you wouldn't go back in that house again. Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. Is she here? MISS TRUNCHBULL strides to the board. Just because you find that life's not fair, it The DOCTOR, MR WORMWOOD, and a male nurse enter. [asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]. Lord knows we've tried. And so you think you're able As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage. What? And . 3. Write this down. Harry Wormwood: her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, DOCTOR How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". B-R-O-O-C-E! You have to stay inside the circle . I chose looks! I think she might be an idiot. Yesterday, she caught Julius Rottwinkle eating a gobstopper during science. What is it? This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. MATILDA . There is a spotlight on BRUCE as he begins to talk. "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! MRS WORMWOOD You and I must be Weedles. I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's. DOCTOR Narrator: . Than the volume with which what you don't know's expressed. BIG KIDS What are you looking at? Miss Honey: Harry Wormwood: You missed it. I . Not a dot did I stray from the plot. Jenny: And another door closes. Filthy, nasty things. There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. The chances of existence almost infinitely small. Matilda : I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. Dad said I'd learn the alphabet! . 4 0 obj [They start chattering. Yes. Not the end of your nose. MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! You did this! MRS WORMWOOD MATILDA . "It is our destiny ". I'd love to meet her, actually . No! <> We all get carried away sometimes. . BIG KIDS and CHILDREN . [Talking about the cake] . I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris. Even if what you got is not a lot. Great, big, strong, scary woman she is. Look at him go! You have to force the little squits to toe the line! Agatha Trunchbull: Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. RUDOLPHO . Past Matilda. One should avoid confrontation when possible. DOCTOR Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. But I . Good show. She daintily reaches up and captures a figurine of a woman throwing the hammer.]. Desks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes its way from the back of the stage. . People don't like smarty-pants what go 'round A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. Cute pick-up lines can help you get past the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time. That love and fate and a touch of stupidity Or maybe your largeness Matilda, isn't it? FBI Agent Bill: Matilda: DOCTOR And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, Calculate this! [She wraps her hands around MATILDA.] Dance competition's over. She holds the hat out to him. Matilda turns around and carrot is facing her. MISS HONEY 'Cause your life as you know it is ancient history. Look at this. I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight! MR WORMWOOD The scene changes to the library. Everybody loves a little something exotic. . [She presses an intercom on her desk.] You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. Thank you for suggesting it. The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. What? 1 0 obj Thirteen times two is twenty-six. Oh, no, you are not "full". He rips out several pages and throws them dramatically on the ground. "Escapologist", he says! But the one thing . it isn't fair! Agatha Trunchbull: CHILDREN You're heading for the chokey, young lady! RUDOLPHO It seems that there are millions of these "one in a millions" these days. Look at that! An unhatched tadpole. . Three times two is six. Then after several seconds, he picks it up and returns to the cake with renewed vigour. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. My hands are tied. One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. And I shall crush you. That was Miss Honey. She opens a book. . I don't know. MATILDA holds her a dramatic pose, holding the large book above her head. It's just pathetic. Michael: What's the matter, Bogtrotter? Her mind is incredible. Eat! Harry Wormwood: Others take a less emotional approach. You wouldn't beat them in a race! Mine are driving me crazy. And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? Trunchbull: Oh, yes. A little less brains, a lot more hair. Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Your parents must be so proud to have a girl as clever as you. Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. . Agatha Trunchbull: [to Zinnia] Harry Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull: She puts down the large block and MATILDA stands on it. A book? There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle AAAIIGHHH! "Bambinatum est magitum." But this little girl . Matilda: We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. It's just a door. MATILDA sits down reading a book. Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! . Am I . Two, three, four! Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? . Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers! "I have a pen, you have a phone number. <>>> And please don't say "the gym.". Zinnia Wormwood: No one's gonna care if you don't care, She starts the video screens playing again. RUDOLPHO dances across the back of the stage. But that's not fair! Narrator: They are good runners, sir. Oh, let's put it this way. He's eaten it all. MRS WORMWOOD ALL GIRLS He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. Harry Wormwood: She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better. [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] Cake. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN . Kim . You should read it. What is your name? BIG KIDS Yeah! Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. MR WORMWOOD So she's learned a few tricks. . . [Daintily, straightening her collar, MISS TRUNCHBULL exits off the front of the stage.]. I am FULLwhen and onlywhen the Headmistress says I am FULL. Yes! MISS TRUNCHBULL turns off the screens with a remote and wheels around, holding a magnifying glass. It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. And this . [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] Won't change a thing. . He surely can't! MISS HONEY exits off the front of the stage. Stop me when this becomes true, but once upon a time, you and I went on a date. MATILDA What's wrong with you? Piacelli. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. Lights up. MISS HONEY steps away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters by the blackboard. MISS TRUNCHBULL Yes, yes. Mum, would you like to hear a story? A beautiful, beautiful little girl. Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. Good heavens. We're told we have to do what we're told, but surely, I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . I have to tell you, Headmistress, that it is my intention to help this little girl. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Agatha Trunchbull: Yes, please. Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. COUPLES, CHILDREN, and DOCTOR Harry Wormwood: No, it's a library book! google_color_border="EDC7C2"; As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? I don't know. MATILDA Eat. And today is a very special day: your first day of school! Now, do any of you know any of your two times tables? You can adopt me. LAVENDER When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . BIG KID [BEN] Trunchbull: MATILDA enters from her bedroom. That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball. They were written that way: Well? The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen! Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? I will not say anymore! and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! Where he's been for the last hour, actually. MISS HONEY faces the audience and raises her fist. Psst! Agatha Trunchbull: Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids, reciting the words as Matilda magically writes them on the blackboard, to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts, He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is, to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers, speaking to Matilda about her and her father, accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water, Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it, Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull, snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover, appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob, after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers, Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to, she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up, she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely, she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her, Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart, throws carrot from the spoon. He's a small, ratty man, with luscious black hair. [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. That I treated the rules with casual disdain? Your hair! 6. But even you, Bruce, Do you think I altered my intended elevation? MR WORMWOOD kicks her out of the way, talking on the telephone. [Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull] [looking at a portrait of her father] A little less flat, a lot more heel. A boy with no fingie? My mummy says I'm a miracle, . MATILDA Could I speak to you for a moment, please? He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. [She puts the book in the cupboard and hurries to the hat rack with a bottle reading "sooper gloo". MISS TRUNCHBULL Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? and . . He drops it again. Get out of it! The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS hang their heads. Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He got a C on his report! 'Cause if you're little, you can do a lot. [He laughs then peters out.] You gotta be loud! Michael: I have suffered in this Jail, Ten! "Time is on our side. MR WORMWOOD guy . Ah-ah-aah-ah Yes! This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! MISS HONEY I'm never wrong! The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. Can't you sell good cars, Dad? What? The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. Oh, you stupid man. Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! The table stops and the hands hit the ground. If you want to throw the hammer for your country, Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, When the hinges creak and the door is closed, . I'm telling you, I didn't do it! Sign in|Recent Site Activity|Report Abuse|Print Page|Powered By Google Sites. You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry! MATILDA Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! Chocolate cake. CHILDREN and COUPLES arrange themselves behind it. What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships? On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. Just knock on the door. For each correct answer, they'll move one step closer to our Cube of Cash. You should stay out of trouble MATILDA MATILDAThe moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. That's not right. Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mis-*take*, Matilda. endobj MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. MR WORMWOOD "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." I sold it for $2,269. BRUCE You're only four years old. MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. | Oh, yeah? And sailed high up, up above the stands You just need to keep your feet inside the line. Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? I mean, take a look at you and me. How dare they speak to me like that! Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. . . MR WORMWOOD Of course they didn't believe me: I've got green hair! [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] Harry Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull: They say she's going to put me in Chokey! [mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone] . There's not a lot of difference in size. Matilda, that . [to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out, And if you want to teach success, Agatha Trunchbull: Matilda: Where is the maggot known as Nigel? But my mummy likes them! [realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt], [Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house]. I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. My daddy says I'm a bore. And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Harry Wormwood: You're not a little girl. Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! That's exactly what you've done. [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] It must be wonderful for a child to be so wanted. | It is, is it? MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO She found a small cottage. Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. [to MISS HONEY] You don't! I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. Amanda Thripp: AAAHH! . The police decided he killed himself. Go on. She uses the umbrella to bring down the hat and starts lining it with glue.]. Best dirty pick-up lines 1. Looks are more important than books. The hat rack is taken away. MISS TRUNCHBULL ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. She sat down, and when she got up . Can you spell? Agatha Trunchbull: Matilda Wormwood: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. I think they just fit. See who wins. If you are having fun, you are not learning.
